The Road to Finding ME!

A blog by: Lily

Hello, beauties!

My sister has been hounding me to write my intro for the past two weeks now and like the PROcrastinator I am, I waited till the last second.

My name is Lily, and I’m about the most laid back anxiety-ridden person you will ever meet. When it comes to my body, I have struggled a lot through the years. As a female, there are so many body standards portrayed in the media, and growing up I thought I just had to look a certain way. What’s funny is my mother, being one of my best friends taught me to love who I am and that I am enough. But late at night I just thought of all the flaws I saw in myself and would obsess over them. The friends I had back then were all skinny and fabulous but I thought I was neither. I tried so hard to fit in and I wasted countless times trying to be them. (Looking back now, what a waste of time)
Why did I feel the need to be self-destructive starting at such a young age? It’s because I wanted to fit in so badly and be the cool girl for once.

Moving through my middle school years into my high school years I still felt at a loss with myself. I was growing as a person but still had so much self-hate. There I was late at night laying in bed and nitpicking everything I didn’t like about myself. I would say horrible things to myself, I would start a new fad diet and it would only last a week. Then the cycle would start again. Late nights, self-hate, fad diets. What a crazy time and I wish I could go back and shake myself out of it.

Moving on to graduating and joining the Military, I was actually in the best shape of my life. Skinny and thriving, everything I wanted and I still wasn’t happy. Bad relationship after bad relationship and I was starting to get depressed and become such a recluse. Then I met the man of my dreams. Funny story that is, but I’ll tell you that some other time. Married, dual military and gaining that happy relationship weight. Unfortunately, that happiness didn’t last long. What started my downward spiral was him being gone all the time. Days, weeks, months. Back to back deployments, then I was gone for months here and there. I was back to being lonely and hating my life and on his second deployment, I hit rock bottom. I gained 50lbs. I was ashamed of myself. I would take my anger out on him and he would lose his patience and we wouldn’t speak for days. Finally, he sat me down and said “hey, I think you need to talk to someone. I can’t help you the way a therapist could.” He was right and I knew it. That day changed my life around. I started talking to a therapist, I started going back to the gym and eating right, I decided to get out of the military and move back home.

Finally, in a good headspace and on the up and up I’m back surrounded by family. Getting out of the Military and living with my sister helped the transition that I was going through. I don’t think I would be where I am at right now if it wasn’t for my sister. She is truly my best friend and someone that gets me in every single way possible.

I knew that it was my time to take over my life and become the woman I wanted to be. Confident in the skin I’m in, happy with where I am at in life, and living it. Me deciding to take control changed my mindset on how I went about doing things. I’m not letting people who don’t matter affect my decisions. I’m a people pleaser and would say yes to everything, now I choose who I say yes to and I don’t feel bad when I say no. I have made my circle of friends small and keep positive people around that boost me up in everything I do.

YOU get to choose how you live your life.
Once you stop making excuses for why you can’t do things, YOUR whole life changes for the better. Take that step to putting YOURSELF first. You deserve every bit of happiness in this word. Seize every moment, every opportunity, every chance at a better you, and see were your life ends up.

What are you doing to better yourself today? Tell me about it !! I honestly would love to know, so leave a comment and spill the tea sis!

2 thoughts on “The Road to Finding ME!

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